Packing it up (again)

We're off, in two days, but tomorrow we fill the trailer. I am in awe at really how wonderful the last few months have been, thru pain and all. I'm learning I'm NOT crazy, its ok for me to believe something different than other people, and it's even ok to live differently. Having our daughter though no kidding, the absolute hardest thing I've ever tried to do, has been one of the biggest blessings. You just can't raise any children, nevermind a special needs kiddo without growing yourself. I wonder if that is really why God gives them to us :)

I so look forward to Colorado again, to friends that look forward to seeing me, to an incredible son and daughter-in-law, and don't even get me started on the joy of grandchildren!! I can get so very scared when all my worldly things, and stuff are stripped away, but, my gosh, that just seems to be when all the spiritual stuff gets going in me. I am better than I deserve for sure, and so happy to have this incredible, though challenging life of mine!

Fear of God

I was just listening to the radio tonite, Ari is sleeping my husband is fishing, and I am baking :) The speaker was talking about the fear of God...meaning, that whole complete attitude of awe that I need to have for Him. He talked about the fact that if I don't have that fear, if I let it slip, then I am than able to only hear all the voices of the world. Wow. That is deep.

I can really see how easy it is, in this fast life for me to let it happen. I am in a constant battle to not live in complete selfishness, and worry about me. Our daughter, I think I mentioned, is adopted, special needs...She was born at 2lbs 11oz, her bio mother drank alcohol and took two oz of crack cocaine every day of her pregnancy, she also had no prenatal care, and took meds by injection monthly for bipolar disorder. She also, gets away with it...her daughter is paying the price. For me to take care of this little one, I have to constantly stay close to God, I am so completely unable to just do this out of myself, and my own love...I need much extra help. Supernatural, powerful God help. So, can you tell I am alone alot, and I love to talk, but, noone is here....so I am typing. A day at a time. I am so grateful.